One of the dark secrets of sales training is that we sometimes have a phrase running through our minds that we’ve learned to keep to ourselves:

“Why don’t you just f__in’ quit?”

It’s a phrase that we long to use, but we don’t because it’s a great way to get thrown out of an account. We don’t say it because it would be unprofessional. We don’t say it because we believe against all hope that anyone can be taught, if we just try hard enough to find the right key.

But sometimes it feels like the only thing you could ask.

When the salesperson insists that their product is no better than what the competition is offering, so they have to lower their price to win business, I want to ask: “Why don’t you just f__in’ quit?”

When the salesperson tells me that the only reason they’re not making their number is because their management/customers/fill-in-the-blank is too dumb to see the world the way they do, I want to ask: “Why don’t you just f__in’ quit?”

When they can give me ten reasons they’re not making their number and none of them involve anything they could do differently, I want to ask: “Why don’t you just f__in’ quit?”

Why don’t you just f__in’ quit, and save everyone a lot of grief? If you think the competitor is doing things so well, why don’t you just f__in’ quit, get a job with them, and see how well that turns out? If you think you’re so much smarter than everyone else, why don’t you just f__in’ quit, start your own company, and see how well that turns out?

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Jack Malcolm